I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
