We got so high we made milksteak
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
