OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
