If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
