Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
