Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize