I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
