Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
