May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
