We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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