Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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