There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
