They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
