I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your penis caused this!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
