Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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