I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize