Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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