just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
