does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize