i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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