SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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