I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
