he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
