It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
