I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
