so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
