Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
