you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
