I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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