i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
