i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
