Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
