oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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