First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
