Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well I just put wine in my tea
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
