it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish you could order shots online.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Mom said you looked used
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize