85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
