Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
