just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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