I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
