yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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