I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
