did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
