Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize