god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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