youre lurking in front of me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
