i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
