TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
