No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
