also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
