Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
