ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then my night got REAL pukey
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
