Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
