he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
