I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
