We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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