Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
