Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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