Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
