Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
