My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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