I'm lost and stupid without you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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