He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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