Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
