Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
