After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
