Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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