I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize