every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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